So this weekend Ryan and I, along with 40+ of our closest friends and family, are going to find out whether or not we’re having a baby boy or girl. I’m definitely feeling a lot of emotions in the week that’s leading up to this Gender Reveal party.
I know I touched on this a lot in my Day 2 post, but one of the main emotions I’m feeling is nervousness. I think I’m the most nervous to find out that we are having a girl. I don’t know, I think I’ve just had it set in my mind for so long that I want a boy. I know that either way I’ll be happy and I’ll love them and regardless of how I feel and what I prefer right now, I will be ecstatic either way. It’s just the thought of having a girl is terrifying to me. I remember what I was like. I was terrible! Plus, the majority of my friends have girls of various ages and seeing the stages of raising a girl that they have all gone through…. it just seems like the scarier option to me.
Girls are sweet and lovely and wonderful for a while, but then they become moody and dramatic and temperamental and they know how much the things they say can hurt you. It scares me a lot.
Honestly, I’m sure it’s all in how your raise them. But I know that my Dad did the best he could with me and I was the worst. I mean, I never did anything truly horrible. I never snuck out or did drugs or anything like that. I wasn’t drinking or partying or sleeping around. But I had the worst attitude. I didn’t care about school and there was a point where I’m pretty sure I’d screwed up so bad that I was on the verge of not graduation. I made some poor choices when it came to boyfriends. I lied a lot to my parents and started smoking at 16. Comparatively, I was fairly normal for a teenage girl, but I could have been loads better and I wasn’t.
I know I put my dad through hell and I treated my step mom poorly too. But I now see how insanely lucky I was (and still am) to have been raised by people who, despite all of my faults, misgivings and complete disregard for their feelings, loved me unconditionally and provided me with everything I needed to survive in this world.
I never thank them enough for the lessons that they taught me and all of the many wonderful things they’ve given me (material, emotional, etc) over the last 25 years of my life. The truth is that, even when we fought, even when I treated them both like shit, even when I thought they were “ruining” my life, they were the most amazing parents I could have ever asked for. I’m incredibly lucky to have been raised by these people and I know that, because of them, I will be the absolute best parent I can be.